Another cold and humanity in general have me feeling under the weather these days.  I spend a lot of time wondering about other people’s motivations, what makes them tick, why they might act they way they do.  I make excuses in my mind for their nasty behavior, telling myself they are having a bad day, a bad month, a bad year, a bad life.  But after many examples of this, I find I am really tired of plucking myself up time after time when someone chooses or cares not to act kindly, civilly or at the very least, somewhat professionally.  Everyone has problems and disappointments and things they wished had turned out differently.  Why am I supposed to grit my teeth and smile and carry on when they have the freedom to act as rudely and dismissively as they wish? 

I suppose I learn a lot from these experiences, but it’s not like I get a prize if I endure a certain number and then it’s finally their turn.  In fact, most days, I am not even sure what the point of it all is.  The biggest disappointment of my life is finding out that the adult world and all its many so-called nuances is quite accurately represented by my experiences as a sixth-grader…things may cost more now and more is at stake but the childish antics, Darwinian survivalism and clumsy social brokering remain exactly the same.  I have learned more about some people by watching baboons at the Helsinki Zoo than a lifetime of negotiating the veneers of civilization.